Perfectionism is an Agonising Myth With Inferiority

When does our self-confidence start to become debilitated in life and we begin to doubt ourselves?  What makes us question ourselves and start to feel insignificant in other peoples eyes?  It is all a perception… yet so difficult for us all to see.

When we are little girls… we are full of confidence… nothing can phase us.  We are full of life, energetic and our strength is abundant in play.  At some point, at this very young age… we fall into a tangled web, as our peers’ question our relevance and we start to doubt our significance.  Differences are pointed out loudly and doubt sets in, upon our somewhat immature minds.

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This negatively conceived concept of perfection develops and sadly becomes the ideal for young girls to strive for… to fit in with a childhood society as a pecking order develops.  The unfortunate part is that it can take many years for these pre-conceived notions to be challenged and overcome.

As young girls develop through their teenage years and grow into young women, these perceptions are carried into adulthood and can burden our personal relationships.  Inferiority complexes have become the norm and media continues to depict the symbol of perfectionism as beauty without flaws.  Visual attractiveness becomes the image for one to endeavor to assume.  What are we teaching our young women and our young men of today?

As women are exploited on television and in magazines, our society is sending this message that perfection with our looks is the ideal.  We place unnecessary pressure on these young developing minds, that our appearance is more significant than personality, behaviour and attitude.  Those less fortunate in the beauty department are left feeling inadequate and unworthy.  Self-confidence has been lost and takes years for one to resurrect.

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Women can spend a great part of their lives, feeling inadequate and defective in some way.  They then feel accustomed with these faulty impressions and perceive that their partners will see the vulnerability beneath.  Men become confused as to what role women play in our society… beauty or brains… one to look at and one to hold.  They may fail to realise that women are far more complex than either.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder… and this rings true.  But beauty is far more than being skin deep.  Beauty is a package of love, emotions, attitude, behaviour and values.  Attraction is complicated and not something to be evaluated.

Beauty is not in our appearance… real beauty is in our overall take on life and our confidence to be who we are.  It is our passion, our natural ability, our differences… those special little quirks that make you distinct and stand out in this world.  Everybody has something that makes them special, allowing them to shine with their true beauty when it is discovered.

We are who we are and why would you want to be anybody else.  Be true to yourself and own who you are.  Show the world what makes you tick… show the world that perfection is a myth and you are worthy just the way you are.

Kindness, compassion and an understanding for others are the real qualities that make us beautiful.  There is no need to strive for perfection.  Our flaws are what make us unique.  If you always look for perfection, you will never be content.  Have faith that you are perfect just the way you are.

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We can always strive for personal growth to benefit ourselves in our health, our mind and our wellbeing… but not competition or comparison.  Love the person you are.  Flabby arms, speech impairments, baldness, lack of coordination, shyness, wobbly tummy, big nose, cross-eyes or a physical limp… does not define who you are.  They are just imperfections that should be accepted and thought about no more.

Our flaws and imperfections are the beautiful attributes that make us unique.  There is an untold story beneath each and every attribute.  Claim those stories… claim your individuality.  Our behaviour is not perfect either, we are all human.  Our mistakes are our lessons in life.  Learn the lesson and move on.

Too much of our life is wasted upon how we think we should hide, disguise or shield those unimportant visual discrepancies and our misaligned conduct.  We are what we are and we must feel comfortable in our own skin.  We need to boost each other up and encourage everyone to reveal the real beauty within, rather than battle a comparison war and feelings of inadequacy.

Love yourself first and foremost… then you will attract others into your life naturally and not by any false means of advertising.  You will be happier and more content if you allow yourself to be confident and believe in yourself.  Those little things that make up who you are… is what really makes you beautiful.  Believe you are beautiful and the world will see that you truly are.

Take care, Karen

“The biggest challenge of life is to be yourself

in a world that is trying to make you like everyone else.”

~ Author Unknown

 

Own Who You Are, With Audacity

Every single one of us is so unique and perfectly created to be somebody or do something important in life.  Why do we cringe and sway away from the real person we truly are?  Just to fit in within our lives… our work, our family, our social circle… and be the “picture” of the person we think we should be and for others to see.

Sometimes it takes us years to figure it out… to realise that this is crazy.  We deserve to be true to ourselves.  We deserve happiness…. the happiness that lies within us… when we allow the real person within us to be revealed.  And when we discover that person, own it and be bold and fearless in your purpose.

Today I would like to give recognition to three other bloggers, that inspire me… with their wisdom, their compassion towards others and the respect for themselves.  Three strangers whom I have never met… yet I feel like I do know them somewhat, through their personal stories and the way they express themselves in words.

RAMBLINGS OF A WALLFLOWER with Dewni, sharing her thoughts and looking for her place in the world.  It was her blog Embrace Your Magic… that initially inspired me today.  Dewni’s advice is simply stated and is perfectionism in itself “Listen to the depths of your heart and embrace your true self”.

We are told throughout our lives, directly and indirectly, until we tell ourselves subconsciously… we need to fit in and be more like everyone else.  That is an unnecessary and enormous burden for us to carry.  But when we realise that we can let go of that false notion of perfectionism within society… and be less like everyone else… life magically changes when we take that step to just be ourself.

On a personal level, I have married a farmer, an honest man that just thrives in the outdoors and has a love for animals and a passion for breeding livestock.  My love for him in supporting his dreams and being a mother to our children has motivated me for 25 years.  But sadly I try to “fit in” within the farming industry, and part of it fits but many parts do not.  I do have a strong belief in the future and importance of the agricultural industry, but I do not have a love for the hands-on farm work.  So in the process of owning who I am… I now know that I can be an advocate for the rural industry and enjoy my country lifestyle and surroundings.  But I know that I do not need to pretend that I am something that I am not.  We all need to work out exactly who we are, enjoy the process and embrace what we find.

Secondly, BITTERSWEET TURNS with Priya, using tales and fantasy in this medium to depict deep emotions and feelings.  I was captivated by this young women’s blog today Will Power and how she describes that “will power is driven by the WHY of your life”.  I think she is spot on with her analogy, as everything we do has a connection to the WHY.  As she says “the key is to find the why” and we need to be very honest with ourselves to do this.

For me personally… “WHY do you want to farm livestock in a drought-ridden environment?”.  Well, I love my husband and I support him entirely with our farming business.  I love administration and the business models that I am able to utilise to sustain our business.  The drought is somewhat a temporary setback, one that in Australia will be present at times and the weather will turn and be on our side again.  I also believe whole-heartedly that the future of the Australian agricultural industry is important to sustain, so we can feed and clothe our nation and export to other countries for the benefit of our economy.  It is this passion that motivates me to continue in the farming industry.

On another level… “WHY do you want to write a blog?”.  Well, it really started as a way to release my own emotions while suffering from depression and anxiety during this current drought on the farm and coping with changes in my life.  I felt compelled to not hide behind the medication, but to voice my experiences with the world, in a hope to help somebody else going through a tough time.  I wanted to reach out… so others knew they were not alone.

I then was able to be myself… and developed a real passion to motivate others to believe in themselves and accept themselves for who they are.  As I touch others lives and have the ability to support someone else, to encourage someone else… my compassion is able to be shared through these means.  I have raised my 2 sons to adulthood and completed the mothering role for years, now I want to share my warm-hearted and loving nature with others.  I may not be able to put it into words verbally and can be a bit of an introvert, so my blog allows me to reach into the depth of my subconscious and share my empathy and inspiration in a unique way.  This is now my gift and my purpose in life… and I love that I can be who I really am.  I am a writer and I have something to say.

My third and final inspiration for today is from Forty Something Life As We Know It where a fellow blogger shares her journey in life and in her words “searching for wisdom”.  I think she under-estimates the wisdom she actually shares with readers.  I really enjoy her regular blog and inspiring messages. Two simple messages that she shared today, really touched me and is relevant to the content that I write of today.

Her blog How it is supposed to be… has this simple message and is so true… “What screws us up most in life is the picture in our head of how it is supposed to be”.  I think we all have this false perception and are sometimes provoked to be something else.  It is our impression that this image is what we strive for.  We need to take a step back, re-evaluate our passion and our interests… and then just be ourselves and daringly move forward.  Life as we know it, may just change for the better, as we discover the “real” person within and contentment follows.

Another message on her blog It just blooms… “A flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it. It just blooms”.  I find this to be an impressive analogy to our friends and associates in our lives.  There is no need to compete with each other, to outdo one another or to be better than another.  If we just be ourselves… we will magically blossom and shine.

Sadly it sometimes takes many years for us to find out who we really are… as we grow and mature over the years.  But it is never too late… to really delve into your own personality, embrace it and courageously reveal the “real” you.  It really is worth it, to accept who you are, imperfections and all… I assure you that you are “imperfectly perfect” and wonderfully unique.  It is with audacity… that you can then OWN WHO YOU ARE and success can reign on you.

Take care, Karen.

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“Be who you are

not who the world wants you to be”

~ Author Unknown

 

 

12 Ways to Learn How to Love Your True Self

Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves?  Why do we compare ourselves to others or degrade our own imperfections? How do we get rid of the negative self-doubt and allow our happiness to shine?

It is never too late to become the man or woman you truly are.  We don’t need to be better or do better… we just need to accept ourselves and learn that we are lovable.

We can be our own worst enemy.  I wish I knew 20 years ago, what I know now.  I would have saved myself a lot of needless worry and found my true inner happiness much sooner in life.  To learn how to love yourself is a self-healing process that only we can do for ourselves.  You are worth it!

  • Embrace Your Strengths – Acknowledge and embrace your unique strengths.  Trust that you do have good qualities and you are good at something.
  • Feel Worthiness – Treat yourself like you are an important person, worthy of love & respect.  It will become more natural and habit-forming.
  • Be Compassionate – When you notice that you are judging yourself, stop, and think of yourself like you would your friend, and tell yourself something compassionate instead.  Speak to yourself in a way that you would speak to someone you love.
  • Embrace Your Dark Side – Accept and acknowledge that we all have a dark side that will surface sometimes.  It is human nature to show all feelings and emotions.  It is OK to feel the emotion but then learn the lesson and let it go.
  • Accept Your Imperfections – It is our imperfections that make us special and unique.  Nobody is perfect.  Flaws and imperfections make us who we are and they don’t make you any less of a person.
  • Like Your Reflection – Learn to look in the mirror and see the things you do like.  Your makeup may not be perfect, but your hair looks good today.
  • Accept Your Weaknesses – We all have weaknesses, you can acknowledge them without allowing them to rule your life with self-doubt.
  • Let Go of Regret – You can think about the past but don’t let it overwhelm you.  If there is a lesson to be learned or an apology needed, so be it.  Forgive yourself.
  • Accept Compliments – Say thank you instead of shying away from a compliment.  Own your positive traits and be proud.
  • Enjoy Your Success – Step back and enjoy your accomplishments, even those little things in every day life.  You prepared a lovely meal tonight!
  • Support & Share – Be around people that practice positivity, so you can stop the negative self-talk.  Embrace and share your strengths with others.
  • Express Gratitude – Share your sincere appreciation for those around you.  People may not remember everything you say and do, but they will remember how you made them feel.

Like “most” of yourself, as much as you can.  We may not get to 100% self-satisfaction, but aim for it… and be content with where you are and the changes you have made.

You have the power to improve your life and you deserve true happiness.  Treat yourself like someone worthy of love, respect and compassion, and your life will be joyful.

The most beautiful thing is when we realise how imperfectly perfect we really are.  Then we will be open for the love and life flowing around us.  The secret in learning to love yourself, is learning to see who you really are and accepting yourself with gratitude.

Take care, Karen.

“To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.”

~ Oscar Wilde

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Personal Growth & Imperfections

That little phrase “personal growth” can be empowering but it can also make one feel a little anxious or uneasy.  To not explore what personal growth actually is, creates this endless search for happiness, clarity of mind, creative expression and a sense of inner calmness.

Personal growth or self-improvement is inspiring and will emerge if we just stop.  Stop searching and stop trying to be a better, calmer or nicer person and just allow our own mind to express itself.  To find that contentment within will enable us to be happier, more productive and efficient.

Perfection is a myth and an unrealistic goal.  I have always been a perfectionist in my life, which leads to disappointment, as perfection is an assumption of no faults and flawless results.  Perfection is not human and not what we should aspire to.  Sometimes we strive so hard for perfection that we forget that imperfection is happiness.  There would be no need for love in our lives if perfection was at all possible.

Our potential for growth, change and understanding is endless, by allowing our mind to reveal its true self.  By letting go of the past and the burden it holds upon us, as well as to set free the expectations of the future, the mind will open to the possibilities within.  Trust yourself… the answer lies within you… it is time to reveal the greatest version of yourself.  You are worth it!

Take care, Karen

“Strive for continuous improvement, instead of perfection.”

~ Kim Collins

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