Rural Reflection #8

February 10, 2019February 24, 2019 / Country Heart Spark / 2 Comments

When all you seem to do is work, work, work… there comes a time when you just crave for a breather. A time to sit and reflect… to just appreciate your life and the wonderful people around you. With drought smothering us on the farm and that natural ability to thrive seems to diminish somewhat… alas… there is someone reaching out to you.

They are special compassionate people, friends or strangers, extending an arm to you, listening, thankfully distracting you from an overload of work tasks and allowing you into their own world of thoughts. It is then, that you truly appreciate the kindness and generosity in these extraordinary people.

That day was only yesterday for me. A friend that was once a stranger, and her family lifted our spirits… unbeknown to them… and what a powerful effect their presence had created. A family that moved to Tamworth from the Central Coast about 2 years ago, starting a new life in this beautiful northern region. I met this quiet woman a year ago through CWA meetings and our friendship developed. Interestingly, two women from two completely different backgrounds, from city and country, can form a connection and feel comfortable in discussions. Our husbands then met, both leading different work lives, yet conversation seemed so engaging and relaxed.

Yesterday, I was feeling a little overwhelmed, as tiredness took hold of me and I struggled to fully function in work mode. As farmers know, we do not have the luxury of work times… our work finishes when the job is done. We work 7 days a week and with drought now, those hours are extended with earlier starts and working until dark. We all pray for relief soon, rain to break this horrid drought.

So with work committments piling up and office jobs completed in priority order, I was feeling mentally exhausted. It was then that I receive a little message from my thoughtful friend, suggesting her family come for a visit. Honestly, my first reaction in my own mind was… I don’t really have time to socialise, I am so busy with things to get done, the house is a bit untidy, what food do I have in the fridge. Why do farmers automatically feel guilty when they stop to relax? I have no idea why, but I know now that it is more important than ever, that we do find a little time out and engage with other people.

Then, I took a breath from my anxiety… and yet it was then organised, on a spur of the moment whim. My friend, her husband and their 2 sons arrived early evening, with a few dinner supplies in hand. Her calm gentle nature somehow manages to relax me and I enjoy her normal and compelling conversation. The men all went to shift a mob of cows, giving us time to catch up and prepare dinner. The evening just worked out perfectly.

My beef roast had been cooking in the slow cooker, so we only needed to cook some vegetables to accompany the meal. I do find on the farm, my slow cooker is used a lot because I never know when I will get home, so at least we have some meat cooked for dinner to motivate me. And tonight it all worked out fine.

The men returned after moving the cows, with the hope of a storm in the hills behind them, but disappointingly it never made it’s way here. I felt relief for other farmers beyond those hills. Although we missed out, I was happy for the other farmers in the distance.

Today, I have been reflecting on the importance of friendships and allowing others to reach out to us and welcoming them into our unique world with open arms. So I am sharing this photo with you all, that was taken a year ago. It shows a track on the laneway of our property, that we use regularly when moving stock from the lower undulating hills to the valley out the back. I really like this photo for 2 reasons. The colours are enticing with cloudy blue sky above the dry landscape with a splashing of trees. And the windy track as it dips over the hill arouses the curiosity of the unknown destination within the image.

Rural Reflection #8…

08 A Windy Track Beneath a Cloudy Blue Sky

image subject to copyright

Yesterday, it was this winding track that brought the men back for dinner. It made me think about not only the appreciation that we had for this visiting family in helping us, but the appreciation of the country and lifestyle that we were able to share with them. A rural industry that they are very unaccustomed to, yet keen to experience. An industry that we are passionate about… giving us the opportunity to share it with them.

Whilst the men enjoyed what the outdoors can offer, my friend and I enjoyed some open heartfelt conversation. I find it so amazing that although we are new friends, we can connect, enjoy the company and find support in one another. And our husbands in their own way, can do the same. My farmer husband with his tough exterior, deep down enjoys sharing his passion with these new friends and relishes in seeking some downtime and laughter. This visit meant so much to us, in a way that may be difficult to explain, but sincere gratitude expressed, especially at a time when farmers are so very sensitive and stressed.

Kindness does not cost anything and makes a big difference in the lives of those you touch. No act of kindness, regardless of how small… is ever wasted. Be kind to everybody that you meet, because everybody is fighting their own battles. Regardless of our differences, our background, our experiences, our stories… we are all interesting people in city and country… kindness is the key to uniting us and strengthens our soul.

Take care, Karen.

“No act of kindness is too small.

The gift of kindness may start as a small ripple

that over time can turn into a tidal wave

affecting the lives of many.”

~ Kevin Heath

The Trust Crisis: Forgive or Forget?

February 9, 2019February 9, 2019 / Country Heart Spark / Leave a comment

Trust takes us years to build… but only a few seconds to break. But can trust truly be repaired in a relationship? You can’t truly love without trust. We have all had partners, parents, children, siblings and friends… and at some point in our lives, the issue of trust has been diminished. Some relationships can be mended, depending on the severity of the fracture in our faith. But for other relationships, it is best to move on and start afresh… allowing both parties to heal. But how does one decide what to do?

Trust is an emotional and logical act. It is where we expose our vulnerabilities to people and believe that they will not take advantage of our honesty and openness. Trust is a feeling… that we associate with love, friendship, comfort and relaxation.

A person who is trustworthy is considerate of others and cares for their wellbeing. When you trust someone, you believe in them. Trust also means that you know what is best for yourself and believing that you are worthy of trust.

To trust… is to be honest and believe that you would never hurt your significant other, and to care deeply for them and their broken or painful past. A desire to protect their esteem and believe in them.

To trust… is to know that your parents have your back and they love you unconditionally. A belief that you are accepted just the way you are and that they are proud of you, your personality and your achievements.

To trust… is to raise your children into kind and loving adults, trusting that they will make their own mistakes in life, without harm. It is believing that they will learn from these mistakes and we continue to love them unconditionally.

To trust… is to respect our siblings and be mindful of their feelings and to accept personal perceptions. A family connection to help each other, encourage them, but also give them the space that they need.

To trust… is to have a friend that you can confide in, someone you trust in sharing your private thoughts. They are your “confidante”, the keeper of your secrets and someone you can be yourself around.

Sometimes in our lives, whether it be bad judgement, outside influences or a mistake… trust can be broken. Then we are left to evaluate, whether our trust has been misplaced or misunderstood. I don’t believe the question is “should we trust again?”… but “how do we build trust so our relationships can grow and thrive?”.

Communication is the biggest factor. Communicating your expectations early and understanding the needs of your partner, is the foundation for building a long-lasting relationship. To be in love with your partner, trust must be present. Any relationship that is not built on a secure foundation of trust… will ultimately break.

Similarly, friends can disappoint you, if your concerns are not communicated clearly and a greater sense of trust has not been developed. Trust is the single most important component of any healthy relationship. If trust does not exist, you are unable to get close to that person and rely on them for support. Without trust, you cannot be vulnerable and reveal your hopes, dreams and worries.

After trust has been broken, the key is to decide if the relationship is worth repairing and if trust can be restored in time. The degree, as to which the trust has been compromised, will determine the action to be taken. And as each person is unique, the decision will vary for all. Some trust issues are deal-breakers and unable to be restored. But other trust issues are repairable and worth it. The key is knowing what is best for you…each and every one of us are worthy and it is for us to decide for ourselves.

Sometimes, we need to make that decision to walk away and accept that our happiness is more important and we deserve better. If trust will never be restored or will always be a major hurdle… then moving on is the answer.

Sometimes, the relationship is worth it or the trust issue can be resolved in time… that we can accept the mistake and try to rebuild the relationship again. To build trust or re-build trust in any relationship we need to:

Earn It – Stop taking trust for granted and make it a priority in our relationships. This will allow us to be conscious of our actions and understand how our partner or friend will perceive our actions.
Be Supportive – In a stage of building trust, being supportive of each other is of utmost importance. Each party needs to feel that they can take a risk, make mistakes or try new things… and have the support that they both need.
Keep Secrets – Rather than keeping secrets from each other, instead keep secrets “for” each other. Personal conversations in a vulnerable state, bring a sense of connection through this sort of trust.
Be Vulnerable – Allow yourself to be open and really honest when sharing things that you often keep hidden. The ultimate sign of trust is allowing the other person into your emotional world and sharing your inner thoughts.
Do Not Judge – Although you might not understand why something is important to your partner or friend… but the fact that it is important is all that really matters. We all have a history and a tangled web of emotions, so respect each other and your unique differences… without judgement.
Keep Your Promises – Make keeping your promises a priority and refrain from overlooking the little things. These little promises may be small, but they go a long way towards building trust.
Communication – Be open and honest in your conversations and ensure you are both understood. Each party has a need to be heard and understood, and trust is built when each party is honest.
Disagreements – Voice your issue and discuss privately, never in public to shame or humiliate the other person. This will keep your lines of communication open, allow your thoughts to be voiced respectfully and ensure trust is retained.
Personal Growth – Take the time to work on your personal growth, which will give strength to not only you, but your relationships as well. We all have something we need to work on… for our own well-being.

Forgiveness is the key factor. To forgive is not to excuse the behavior of the person that has offended you… but rather a process of allowing us to let go of anger, bitterness and resentment. It is about us… it is about releasing yourself from the control it has over you. Forgiveness is genuine compassion for those who have wronged us and the ability to move on… for the sake of our own emotional well-being and happiness.

Trusting does not mean mistakes won’t happen. Any relationship brings two people together with their own beliefs, ideas, emotional baggage, burdens, past history and personal perceptions. Letting go of past transgressions is the only way to move forward and resurrect any relationship.

Letting go of the hurt and the disappointment, accepting the apology and be open for trust based on truth and love. Time will heal… but you have the control, to control your own thoughts and actions.

I believe the significance of trust… is in yourself. Trust that you have the ability… and the power… and the strength… to believe in yourself. Life gives us ups and downs… but it is our choice what reactions we have and the decisions we make. The decision is yours and you are worth it.

Take care, Karen.

“A bird sitting in a tree is not afraid of the branch breaking,

because her trust is not in the branch,

but in her own wings.”

~ tinybuddha.com

From Exploiting Women…To The Triumphs of Strong Women

February 1, 2019 / Country Heart Spark / Leave a comment

It saddens me that women still have to fight for feminism rights and respect within this world. Today I tackle a controversial issue that irritates me within the Australian culture… the exploitation of women. After being faced with an incident last week, it has played on my mind, and now it is time I revealed my annoyance with the way women are looked upon as inferior sexualised objects. Australia is supposed to be a pretty advanced society and women’s rights have been successfully implemented over this last century.

Despite the strength of many women, we are still faced with sex-based discrimination bringing an abundance of emotional torment to women every day in this country. Why do some men welcome this exploitation for their mere selfish pleasure? Why do some women allow themselves to be regarded as the inferior sex and settle for being taken advantage of regularly?

Historically, Australia is a male-dominated society, which started way back in 1788 when the British settled upon this land. There has predominantly been a lack of respect and inferiority that continued for many generations. Despite the equity of women becoming more accepted in Australia now… sadly I am reminded that we still have further hurdles.

Thankfully most Australian’s are respectable and there is support for women’s liberation every day around us… and not all men are so superficially challenged. During this last week, I have witnessed both extremes… from very supportive women to the exploitation of women.

After enjoying several performances and shows during the Tamworth Country Music Festival, I was having a wonderful time and enjoying time away from the farm. However, there was one particular performance that really did annoy me… which in my opinion, is working against the progress that women have made. Not to mention names of the “not so great” performing group or venue… the exploitation of a woman within their performance, I found extremely crude and disrespectful. Not funny at all.

To set the stage for you…

A young woman was “selected” from the audience as a volunteer, which may or may not have been part of the act. The attractiveness of the young woman was verbally stated as part of the show… but it was the inappropriateness of the in-depth references to her body parts and blatant sexual advances, that I found very offensive. I am not too much of a prude and I don’t mind a little crudeness for humorous purposes. But the sexual suggestions and inappropriate requests from the all-male performers… such as asking her to stroke the tambourine with intimate references, continuous bending over to take a bow in order to give the drummer a view of her butt in her short shorts, jumping up and down in excitement with men tantalising over bouncing breasts, brazen suggestions for a wet T-shirt to be brought to the stage, the fiddle player “accidentally” on purpose poking her breast with his bow, and the ongoing sexual advances… this was not entertainment but patronising vulgarity.

The saddest part was that this young woman was all too obliging and acted very “ditsy” when carrying on with their show. Her foolishness within this show, made women appear brainless and cheap. It made out as if women are worthless and our purpose is only for the sexual connotations for men. This notion is so prehistoric and I found it crude that this was depicted in this way. This type of presumptuous demeanor is a tragic insult to women in general.

Women have come so far in this world with equality, through women’s liberation and feminism, and our value has finally been acknowledged. Sadly, I felt sorry for this woman being exploited (whether she realised it or not). I felt sorry for the women in the audience (mainly an older generation)… thinking that this was normal back in their day and not considered sexual harassment at all. And I felt sorry for the men that watched (and maybe quietly enjoyed the show) whether they realised it was disrespectful or not. As a mother of 2 sons, I would be disgusted and disappointed if my sons treated women like this… and I am grateful that my husband respects women and is not superficial.

I watched the show for a short while, despite their early warning that their aim was to offend people and challenge political incorrectness. I really thought the show could be quite funny. Once I realised that this show was far too objectionable for my liking, I did leave the venue, as a personal statement that I did not support the exploitation of women by anyone.

Women are not sexual objects… they do need men to drool over their superficial looks and sexuality. Women want to feel like a work of art… not a “piece of meat”. Women have thoughts and feelings… they have opinions and talent… they deserve to be treated with dignity and regarded as an equal gender. No more, no less, equal.

Although the disrespect may be evoked by many men in our community, it is women who allow them to be disrespectful towards them. Women must realise their worth and stand up for themselves. As women, we need to promote the well-being of all women. If we are more liberated, the men will see that we deserve the respect we seek.

In a paradoxical moment, only several days later, I was able to witness a heartfelt supportive woman. I attended Beccy Cole’s concert and enjoyed her fun-loving stage presence, her humour and her music. Something that stuck with me… at the end of her show, her outspoken statements in support of feminism. She just wants women to be nice to each other and accept ourselves for who we are. Women need to support each other and boost each other up. Her kind words really resonated with me, as I totally support this notion.

Similarly, when I attended another big concert “Country Turns Pink” which was raising funds for the McGrath Foundation, I witnessed another inspiring event. Many music artists showed their support at this event and of women in general. Beautiful music and lyrics touched the audience thanks to artists such as Tania Kernaghan, Gina Jeffreys, Beccy Cole, Adam Harvey and Amber Lawrence.

I would like to share this song I enjoyed when sung by Amber Lawrence as I really loved the beautiful lyrics… “Cheers to the Girls”. The uplifting song is about women realising their own worth, taking back their power, standing up for themselves and following their dreams. I am sure that every girl and woman can relate to this song and has felt these sort of feelings at some point in their lives. This is what we should be promoting for women… and we deserve nothing less. Listen and enjoy!

Take care, Karen.

“Women of Worth

She is someone’s daughter

She is someone’s friend

She is someone’s sister

She is someone…”

~ Author Unknown

Video Credit: Amber Lawrence & YouTube

Own Who You Are, With Audacity

January 31, 2019 / Country Heart Spark / 4 Comments

Every single one of us is so unique and perfectly created to be somebody or do something important in life. Why do we cringe and sway away from the real person we truly are? Just to fit in within our lives… our work, our family, our social circle… and be the “picture” of the person we think we should be and for others to see.

Sometimes it takes us years to figure it out… to realise that this is crazy. We deserve to be true to ourselves. We deserve happiness…. the happiness that lies within us… when we allow the real person within us to be revealed. And when we discover that person, own it and be bold and fearless in your purpose.

Today I would like to give recognition to three other bloggers, that inspire me… with their wisdom, their compassion towards others and the respect for themselves. Three strangers whom I have never met… yet I feel like I do know them somewhat, through their personal stories and the way they express themselves in words.

RAMBLINGS OF A WALLFLOWER with Dewni, sharing her thoughts and looking for her place in the world. It was her blog Embrace Your Magic… that initially inspired me today. Dewni’s advice is simply stated and is perfectionism in itself “Listen to the depths of your heart and embrace your true self”.

We are told throughout our lives, directly and indirectly, until we tell ourselves subconsciously… we need to fit in and be more like everyone else. That is an unnecessary and enormous burden for us to carry. But when we realise that we can let go of that false notion of perfectionism within society… and be less like everyone else… life magically changes when we take that step to just be ourself.

On a personal level, I have married a farmer, an honest man that just thrives in the outdoors and has a love for animals and a passion for breeding livestock. My love for him in supporting his dreams and being a mother to our children has motivated me for 25 years. But sadly I try to “fit in” within the farming industry, and part of it fits but many parts do not. I do have a strong belief in the future and importance of the agricultural industry, but I do not have a love for the hands-on farm work. So in the process of owning who I am… I now know that I can be an advocate for the rural industry and enjoy my country lifestyle and surroundings. But I know that I do not need to pretend that I am something that I am not. We all need to work out exactly who we are, enjoy the process and embrace what we find.

Secondly, BITTERSWEET TURNS with Priya, using tales and fantasy in this medium to depict deep emotions and feelings. I was captivated by this young women’s blog today Will Power and how she describes that “will power is driven by the WHY of your life”. I think she is spot on with her analogy, as everything we do has a connection to the WHY. As she says “the key is to find the why” and we need to be very honest with ourselves to do this.

For me personally… “WHY do you want to farm livestock in a drought-ridden environment?”. Well, I love my husband and I support him entirely with our farming business. I love administration and the business models that I am able to utilise to sustain our business. The drought is somewhat a temporary setback, one that in Australia will be present at times and the weather will turn and be on our side again. I also believe whole-heartedly that the future of the Australian agricultural industry is important to sustain, so we can feed and clothe our nation and export to other countries for the benefit of our economy. It is this passion that motivates me to continue in the farming industry.

On another level… “WHY do you want to write a blog?”. Well, it really started as a way to release my own emotions while suffering from depression and anxiety during this current drought on the farm and coping with changes in my life. I felt compelled to not hide behind the medication, but to voice my experiences with the world, in a hope to help somebody else going through a tough time. I wanted to reach out… so others knew they were not alone.

I then was able to be myself… and developed a real passion to motivate others to believe in themselves and accept themselves for who they are. As I touch others lives and have the ability to support someone else, to encourage someone else… my compassion is able to be shared through these means. I have raised my 2 sons to adulthood and completed the mothering role for years, now I want to share my warm-hearted and loving nature with others. I may not be able to put it into words verbally and can be a bit of an introvert, so my blog allows me to reach into the depth of my subconscious and share my empathy and inspiration in a unique way. This is now my gift and my purpose in life… and I love that I can be who I really am. I am a writer and I have something to say.

My third and final inspiration for today is from Forty Something Life As We Know It where a fellow blogger shares her journey in life and in her words “searching for wisdom”. I think she under-estimates the wisdom she actually shares with readers. I really enjoy her regular blog and inspiring messages. Two simple messages that she shared today, really touched me and is relevant to the content that I write of today.

Her blog How it is supposed to be… has this simple message and is so true… “What screws us up most in life is the picture in our head of how it is supposed to be”. I think we all have this false perception and are sometimes provoked to be something else. It is our impression that this image is what we strive for. We need to take a step back, re-evaluate our passion and our interests… and then just be ourselves and daringly move forward. Life as we know it, may just change for the better, as we discover the “real” person within and contentment follows.

Another message on her blog It just blooms… “A flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it. It just blooms”. I find this to be an impressive analogy to our friends and associates in our lives. There is no need to compete with each other, to outdo one another or to be better than another. If we just be ourselves… we will magically blossom and shine.

Sadly it sometimes takes many years for us to find out who we really are… as we grow and mature over the years. But it is never too late… to really delve into your own personality, embrace it and courageously reveal the “real” you. It really is worth it, to accept who you are, imperfections and all… I assure you that you are “imperfectly perfect” and wonderfully unique. It is with audacity… that you can then OWN WHO YOU ARE and success can reign on you.

Take care, Karen.

“Be who you are

not who the world wants you to be”

~ Author Unknown

Happy New Year and Days Gone By

January 1, 2019 / Country Heart Spark / 1 Comment

Another year has gone by and here we are, smack bang at the beginning of 2019 already. We have all celebrated New Year’s Eve last night in some way… whether it be a quiet night at home with the family, dancing the night away or the fascinating “big bang” with live fireworks. Who knew all the words to “Auld Lang Syne”? Or did you just mumble along like the rest of us… joining in with the traditional folk song to signify the start of the New Year?

New Year’s Eve is the largest global celebration… with men, women and children celebrating through rituals galore. In Australia, celebrations are held across the nation… popular family events, dancing, entertainment, fireworks, concerts, the list seems endless.

How did you bring in the New Year? For me, it was a quiet night at home with family, enjoying a delicious meal together, a quiet drink, playing a board game Cattle Baron, good conversation and laughter, thinking about my other family members afar and watching the televised midnight fireworks in Sydney. I know…probably sounds boring to those of you party animals that celebrate into the wee hours of the morning. But for me… I really enjoyed my night at home in relaxation mode, surrounded by my loved ones. With the burden of drought consuming me at the moment, this was the perfect way to bring in the New Year.

New Year’s Day provides us with a chance to celebrate that we have made it through another 365 days, our unit of time where we keep chronological order of our lives. The day we profoundly shift from one year to the next. At the stroke of midnight, we wave goodbye to the year gone by… and reflect on the achievements in our heart… and share the love with our family and friends. We also signify a fresh beginning at this ritual in time. Many people dance, eat, drink and watch fireworks to mark the start of a New Year.

If you have a birthday around the end of September or the beginning of October… well alas… you were probably conceived on New Year’s Eve. A time when our love for one another is profoundly displayed. Lots of hugs and kisses and gratitude are thrown around… a sight we are all so familiar with.

I remember when I was young, I used to attend family dances in country towns, dance the night away and upon the countdown to midnight… sing “Auld Lang Syne”. Historians have called it “the song that nobody knows” yet we have all tried to sing it. And most of us, not that well… but that doesn’t stop us from joining in.

“Auld Lang Syne” is based on a 1788 Scottish poem by Robert Burns and is typically sung on New Year’s Eve around the world. The Scottish phrase “auld lang syne” translates to “old long since” and basically means “days gone by” which is an appropriate toast for the New Year. So when everyone sings the chorus “for auld lang syne”, this translates to “for the sake of old times”. The song also reflects love, friendship and nostalgic memories.

Thankfully in Australia, the lyrics we sing today are a more modern version of the Scots poem. I have included a video with lyrics of “Auld Lang Syne” for you to practice so you won’t need to mumble along in the verses next year. I for one tend to hum along nowadays for the failure of not knowing most of the words.

Video Credit ~ YouTube and “Christmas Songs and Carols – Love to Sing”

Now we will be armed and ready for next year… we can sing to our heart’s content. This folk song is also sung at funerals, graduations and is a farewell song at other occasions.

Sometimes our rituals do change as we get older, have children, move locations or just need a change. When I had children of my own, fireworks become our favourite New Year celebration.

We were living on the Mid North Coast when my children were young, so we would go into town, buy a seafood basket and sit on the riverbank at Taree, eat our platter together and then watch the fireworks. I remember the kids waiting for the fireworks… and they would create their own fun by rolling down the hill and playing on the riverbank. I loved these times and the feeling of contentment and relaxation with my family. We have also joined family and friends at Tuncurry/Forster to watch fireworks in later years.

New Year resolutions have also been contemplated, agreed to and some broken already. We all seem to view a New Year as a fresh new blank page in our book. A book where we can write our own story and start afresh in a New Year. We are excited and enthusiastic to make resolutions to stick with for 2019. What are your New Year resolutions?

A year of bitter-sweet memories has unfolded with the drought in our farming communities and we have seen the drought support sprawled across the nation by so many truly wonderful people. My wish for the New Year is that I hope we have a better, wetter and more prosperous 2019. As the New Year emerges, I hope we all find new joys to discover and lots of reasons to be grateful.

I would like to wish you all a very Happy New Year filled with beautiful moments and treasured memories within your own heart.

Take care, Karen.

“Begin and end each day with a grateful heart.”

~ Andrea Reiser

It’s Not Worth The Anger or the Heartache

December 28, 2018 / Country Heart Spark / 8 Comments

The year is nearly over and we are starting to think about New Year resolutions. 2019 can be the year for us to learn how to LET GO. Let go of all the “crap”… the negative feelings… the anger building up… or the headache of our life spiraling out of control.

How many of us get worked up over things we cannot change? Most of us, I think. We worry about everything… our children, our relationships, our friendships, our finances, our health. The worry exists daily and is normal to a point, but we can control the extent to which we worry excessively.

Some form of worry is essential so we are aware of danger, giving us an understanding of others, allowing us to care, or building strategies for prevention. It is the excess worry that I think we can shake. If we come up with a plan by playing out any “what if” scenario’s, the worry is challenged and can be somewhat relieved. Challenge your own thinking and decide if the worry is affecting your health. If it is, decide to be pro-active and let it go.

Anxiety is real and sometimes over-powering. Sometimes we are able to manage our thoughts and feelings by shifting our mindset and focus differently. Sometimes we need to ask our GP for help. Take that step if it is needed.

ANGER! Has something happened in your life that has made you so angry that it continues to build up for many years? Were there any incidents over Christmas with family members or friends that really annoyed you and now you feel angry? It is not worth the anger at all. Regardless of what has happened to you, or what someone said to you… it is not worth holding a grudge, battling feelings of contempt or a will to seek revenge.

It is just ridiculous, that we all allow differing opinions, perceptions and arguments to scar relationships. It is only stubbornness, selfishness and a lack of empathy that causes the anger to fester within. The anger may have started because of one single incident but as time passes and you play it over in your mind, the anger builds up for a variety of reasons that you create within your own mind. We just need to LET IT GO. Holding on to anger, serves no purpose whatsoever.

In fact, anger becomes debilitating over time. It just eats away inside of you and makes you bitter. Anger also affects your health long-term. A build up of anger will affect your brain, your immune system and your stress hormones. It will cause increased anxiety, high blood pressure and headaches. Anger has the most damaging effect on your cardiac health and it will increases your risk of heart attack and stroke. Holding on to anger is not only needless… but necessary to let go of, for your health’s sake.

Relationships are breaking every single day… loving relationships are ending, family break-ups and friendships destroyed. Heartache is the end result. We mask our heartache by staying angry… determined never to forgive. This is so sad. The anger serves no purpose and is harmful to your health. When we allow ourself to forgive… a simple action within ourselves to stop feeling angry or resentful… we do feel hurt but relief. Hurt can be dealt with, allowing closure or acceptance over time. The constant heartache will subside when the anger is removed.

We get so worked up over little things… things we cannot change. There are just some things we cannot control or change in our lives. We must accept that. People cannot be changed either. We must learn to manage our own actions and our own reactions in our relationships and in our life in general. This is what we do have control over.

Stop being angry with the world and holding on to the anger. Whatever happened… just happened. Let it go. Apologise if you should… if you said or did something that you shouldn’t have. Show forgiveness to others… to release yourself from the anger and resentment. Control yourself and what you have control over.

If you have a fractured relationship with a family member. Repair the relationship if possible, as family is the most important part of our lives. You can control your side of the relationship only… be nice… be respectful and be prepared to accept that you cannot control the other persons thoughts, feelings or actions. And do not try to persuade or invite others to join you in the rampage of hateful anger against a family member… as this only reinforces anger to stay in your life. Let go of the anger and resentment allowing relationships to be healed or accept the irrepairable outcome without contempt.

If you have friends that don’t seem to want to be friends with you. So what! You can control how you treat them… be nice… be respectful… but be prepared to let go and walk away if these friendships become toxic to your own health. We all deserve real friendships yet some of these friends are not for life. Some friends serve a purpose in our life and both parties need something from the friendship. But sometimes things just change, we grow apart, our differences may become more prominent or we just don’t see “eye to eye” anymore. It doesn’t matter. Learn to accept that things do change. Let go!

Life just gets so busy… that sometimes we feel like we have been thrown under the bus. Feeling restrained and not seeing a means of escape? We are always busy, balancing work, children, routines, schedules, relationships, sport, health, voluntary activities, friendships, recreation and sleep. Many of you will relate to this at some point in your lives, if not right now.

I used to feel like… and visualise myself being dragged by a rope called “life”… tied around my ankles, pulling me in and out of all my responsibilities in life. It is exhausting and tiresome. Recreation and “me” time became non-existent. I am learning to treat myself as I would treat a friend or a loved one. I am starting to get back that control in my life. Now “I am pulling” that rope in my life… and I may have a few bumps here and there, but I choose how I manage the hurdles or challenges in my path. I guarantee it is worth getting that control back. It is worth kicking anger to the kerb and the heartaches will resolve.

Make a promise to yourself heading into the New Year. “I deserve to be happy and feel whole. I will live with purpose and let go of anger and heartaches. I deserve to feel healthy without the stress of life getting in my way. I control my life… my thoughts, my actions and my feelings. I will love and cherish those important to me and treat everyone with respect. I will accept others wanting to be a part of my life and I will accept those that choose to walk away, without resentment. I will control only what I can and I will LET GO of everything else. I deserve real happiness, health and contentment.” 2019 here we come!

Take care, Karen.

“Forgive others,

not because they deserve forgiveness,

but because you deserve peace.”

~ Jonathan Lockwood Huie

How to Find Peace In Our Life By Self Domination

December 26, 2018December 26, 2018 / Country Heart Spark / 5 Comments

Life is way too short to leave the key to our own happiness in someone else’s pocket. We are responsible for our own thoughts and actions. We cannot control other’s, nor should we even want to. Everyone has their own opinions, but we choose how we react to them.

The moment we realise that our happiness and contentment is upon our own shoulders… life can truly begin. Sadly we find fault in others, which seems human nature, when we should be looking within. We all need to look within ourselves to find the answers and not rely on someone else to make us happy.

I have found that I am starting to look at life very differently, almost philosophical, and have assumed alternate views. I used to react to situations that were outside of my control. I used to worry excessively and aim for happiness as if I am on a journey to find “it”. A journey without a final destination.

When we are younger, we think that our happiness is a direct result of finding the “perfect” partner, building an exquisite home, having a child, finding the ideal job, buying our favourite car, following the latest fashion fair or finding real friendships in our lives.

The truth is we do not need someone else to find happiness in our life and we do not need materialistic objects to “complete” us. These people and items may bring us enjoyment and a feeling of closeness or inclusiveness. But real happiness lies within us and we have the key to our own happiness. We need to shift our mindset and look at the bigger picture. Then almost magically, you will see the right people drawn to you and happiness will blossom.

I now choose to look within myself and change my own thoughts, feelings or actions in order to create my own contentment. The beauty of this concept is that we can control all of this within… and we will see personal growth along the way. We do not need to rely on other peoples conduct or behaviour, which is out of our scope. Our own behaviour then becomes less reactive and more actionable.

We spend our lives trying to figure out who we are and what we want. We worry about what might have been or who is “on my side” in life. We tend to overthink situations and possible scenarios. We can also create an issue based on our own perspective.

Perception is a powerful reality in life. One person’s perception can be entirely in contrast to another person’s interpretation. Right and wrong is not the issue. Personal perceptions are just that… PERSONAL… to each individual. We imagine things through our own perspective only. The same situation or incident will be interpreted differently by those involved. We are all unique and have our own emotional response and reactions.

How many of you have had someone you trusted disappoint you? How many of you have broken relationships or severed family ties? How many of you feel overwhelmed with the impact these fractured relationships have had upon you?

We all have our own issues and baggage within our lives. We are all human and a hurricane of emotions are inevitable. If somebody says or does something which annoys or upsets you… you have the power to not react negatively and allow contempt to consume you. Consider that you may be understanding from your own perspective only… and the other person from theirs. Both parties can be unaware of the real situation and missing the intent of the discussion.

Forgiveness is often an understated action, if this reflects any situation in our lives. To forgive, is to stop feeling angry or resentful towards someone for an offence, flaw or mistake. The necessary process of forgiveness… is not to “let someone off the hook” or excuse their behaviour, ignorance or impoliteness. Forgiveness is a process to allow our own growth and happiness.

A lot of us fail to realise that forgiveness is not about the offender, it is about us. When we hold on to the hurt, pain, resentment or anger… it harms us far more than it harms the offender. Forgiveness allows us to move forward without anger, contempt or seeking revenge. This is essential to release yourself from any situation and to move forward in your own life. Forgiveness “frees” you by taking control… and peace will remain.

We waste too much time worrying and forget to just breathe. We need to learn how to appreciate and just “exist” in the moment. The time has come for me… to stop the overthinking and worrying. When I decided that I was “done” with anything that does not bring me peace, my life changed. I feel content… I feel calmness… I feel happiness embalming me.

Then the magic begins… when you see your loved ones with a sense of adoration in you and inspiration in their own life. Not only do they see the real you, they are inspired to become the better version of themselves as well. It then becomes contagious. Be yourself, love your family, appreciate your friendships, practice forgiveness, just live in the moment and peace will be the cherished outcome.

Take care, Karen.

“If you want to be happy,

do not dwell in the past,

do not worry about the future,

focus on living fully in the present.”

~ Roy T. Bennett

The Exploitation of Women is Startling and Beyond Harmful

November 30, 2018November 30, 2018 / Country Heart Spark / 4 Comments

As a woman, wife and mother, I believe women have been exploited terribly over the years. Why do we allow the media to put so much pressure on us making us feel inadequate against the “ideal” images portrayed? The focus on a women’s appearance is very strong throughout our popular culture. Women’s roles on television and in magazines & newspapers is often seen as a sexualised adornment.

Despite the women’s movement over the years, it has not substantially changed society’s attitudes towards women, when they are still portrayed in a two-dimensional way. It is a continuous struggle for the women of today to be seen as strong, important and valued members in our country.

Women have come so far and made significant changes over the years which has forged pathways for other women. It wasn’t until 1902 that women were given the right to vote in Australia and stand for a federal election. However women were not present for the first 20 years of Australian politics. Since the 1970’s women have increased their representation in politics.

Women have made significant strides towards equality in workplaces, at universities, in boardrooms and in Government, taking on leadership roles. It was 1974 before women were even granted a full adult wage.

Women and girls make up over 50% of the Australian population. While women comprise of 47% of all employees in Australia, they still earn about $250 less than men each week. The national gender “pay gap” is 15.3% and has remained between 15%-19% for the past 20 years.

It was not until 1984 that the Sex Discrimination Act came into force, making sex discrimination and sexual harassment against the law. This has played an important role in changing community attitudes and helping advance gender equality in our country.

More than 50% of women, aged 18 or older, have experienced sexual harassment in their lifetime. More than 1 in 3 women have experienced physical or sexual violence in their lifetime. These figures are quite alarming.

Despite the progress, women and girls continue to experience inequality and discrimination, which can limit the choices and opportunities available to them.

There is a competition of ideas about what a women’s role is in our society. Today, Australian women have many more choices about how to live their lives. It should be what is right for each woman… as every woman has her own idea as to what fulfillment is for her. A woman can be a mother, or she can be career-orientated, or both… she can be single or in a relationship of her choice… there is no right or wrong. Women have the power to exercise their freedom, despite the limitations placed upon them.

Yet why are women still portrayed in the media in an inferior light? Women are not objects, we are not weak and there is no need for the exploitation of our gender. How would you men feel, if the roles were reversed? It is unfair to both genders and is ridiculously accepted in our society. The air-brushed models and actresses, are not what young women need to be comparing themselves to today.

As a young girl, at an age where our culture started to define me… I remember the inadequacy I had felt, the inferior complex I developed and the limiting beliefs that I accepted. Sadly, I never felt “good enough” to be able to be the girl that I thought I was supposed to be and what I perceived as normal in our society. As young girls we want to be prettier, be slimmer, more curvy, to look different… thinking that would make us more acceptable to others. Sadly we are never comfortable in our own skin. To much emphasis is placed on our “looks” and not enough on what true beauty really is.

As a mother, I felt satisfied that I had sons, and not daughters to raise with the unfair burden of sexualised adornment within our society. But as a woman who has experienced a lot of sadness, judgement and annoyance with an industry that takes advantage of women and their emotions… I have something to say.

After decades of allowing the exploitation of women to affect my own mindset, an inner fight refusing acceptance and the reliance on depression/anxiety medication… I want to educate others with what I have learned. I now realise that I want to protect the esteem of girls and young women in our society. I want my nieces and my son’s partners and all young females to not accept and under-value their self-worth because of a culture that is unfair to a women’s sense of self. Every girl and woman is of value… we are all unique and on our own journey in this world. We all need to like ourselves and learn to love the person you are.

I ask you to think about how you would feel if it were your daughter or your sister, being exploited in that magazine or in the movie you are watching. We need to band together, boosting up the girls and women in our lives, and protecting our loved ones, ensuring their self-esteem is not harmed and they are aware of their self-worth.

When I think about how far women have really come and the obstacles they have incurred, it really is a remarkable achievement in improving the lives of women today. Don’t let our media culture affect the young women in our society. They are the future of our country… our future mothers, our future leaders and we need to ensure they develop into confident women of value. Women are worth no more or no less… we just balance life with our men. Let the women in your life inspire you and raise your daughters to be those inspiring women.

Take care, Karen.

“A women should be two things:

who and what she wants.”

~ Coco Chanel

(French Fashion Designer & Business Woman)

12 Ways to Learn How to Love Your True Self

November 28, 2018 / Country Heart Spark / 1 Comment

Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves? Why do we compare ourselves to others or degrade our own imperfections? How do we get rid of the negative self-doubt and allow our happiness to shine?

It is never too late to become the man or woman you truly are. We don’t need to be better or do better… we just need to accept ourselves and learn that we are lovable.

We can be our own worst enemy. I wish I knew 20 years ago, what I know now. I would have saved myself a lot of needless worry and found my true inner happiness much sooner in life. To learn how to love yourself is a self-healing process that only we can do for ourselves. You are worth it!

Embrace Your Strengths – Acknowledge and embrace your unique strengths. Trust that you do have good qualities and you are good at something.
Feel Worthiness – Treat yourself like you are an important person, worthy of love & respect. It will become more natural and habit-forming.
Be Compassionate – When you notice that you are judging yourself, stop, and think of yourself like you would your friend, and tell yourself something compassionate instead. Speak to yourself in a way that you would speak to someone you love.
Embrace Your Dark Side – Accept and acknowledge that we all have a dark side that will surface sometimes. It is human nature to show all feelings and emotions. It is OK to feel the emotion but then learn the lesson and let it go.
Accept Your Imperfections – It is our imperfections that make us special and unique. Nobody is perfect. Flaws and imperfections make us who we are and they don’t make you any less of a person.
Like Your Reflection – Learn to look in the mirror and see the things you do like. Your makeup may not be perfect, but your hair looks good today.
Accept Your Weaknesses – We all have weaknesses, you can acknowledge them without allowing them to rule your life with self-doubt.
Let Go of Regret – You can think about the past but don’t let it overwhelm you. If there is a lesson to be learned or an apology needed, so be it. Forgive yourself.
Accept Compliments – Say thank you instead of shying away from a compliment. Own your positive traits and be proud.
Enjoy Your Success – Step back and enjoy your accomplishments, even those little things in every day life. You prepared a lovely meal tonight!
Support & Share – Be around people that practice positivity, so you can stop the negative self-talk. Embrace and share your strengths with others.
Express Gratitude – Share your sincere appreciation for those around you. People may not remember everything you say and do, but they will remember how you made them feel.

Like “most” of yourself, as much as you can. We may not get to 100% self-satisfaction, but aim for it… and be content with where you are and the changes you have made.

You have the power to improve your life and you deserve true happiness. Treat yourself like someone worthy of love, respect and compassion, and your life will be joyful.

The most beautiful thing is when we realise how imperfectly perfect we really are. Then we will be open for the love and life flowing around us. The secret in learning to love yourself, is learning to see who you really are and accepting yourself with gratitude.

Take care, Karen.

“To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.”

~ Oscar Wilde

How To Have Courage In Public Speaking and Succeed

November 26, 2018 / Country Heart Spark / Leave a comment

Courage is the commitment to begin something without any guarantee of a successful result. But courage also allows you to fail and learn a powerful lesson… therefore you don’t really fail at all. If you never courageously take a risk you will never accomplish anything in life. It is my time to challenge myself and to confidently learn public speaking skills with my local Toastmasters International club.

I took a risk tonight and stepped way out of my comfort zone, delivering my first structured speech at Toastmasters. I was nervous but excited… ready for the challenge and looked forward to suggestions and improvements from my fellow Toastmasters.

I joined up only last meeting and was keen to step up and give it a go tonight. Courageously I stepped up to the lectern, delivered a 5 minute “Ice Breaker” introductory speech about myself and what I am passionate about. I felt relieved when finished, but I also felt a sense of satisfaction, that I was courageous enough to speak in front of a small audience. This was an achievement in itself.

Proudly I accepted an Award for being voted the Best Speaker on the night. Secretly I thought I may have got a few sympathy or encouragement votes for being a “virgin” speaker. But I did feel my passion and words were from the heart, and was very content with my first speech.

The beauty is other members give you feedback with an evaluation of your speech. This includes detailed commendations and a recommendation for improvement. I still have so much to learn, skills to develop and confidence to be formed. But I am on the right track and have found the right place.

My favourite part is the support and guidance that fellow Toastmasters give you. It is with their positive reinforcement that I have been able to have faith in myself and believe that I can do it. There is no such thing as failure, it is all a learning curve.

Success is having the courage, determination and perseverance to see something through. If you have the courage to begin, you will certainly have the courage to succeed. Believe in yourself!

Take care, Karen.

“Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you’re scared to death.”

~ Earl Wilson

Country Heart Spark

Inspiration for inner strength beyond the farmer

Empowerment

Rural Reflection #8

The Trust Crisis: Forgive or Forget?

From Exploiting Women…To The Triumphs of Strong Women

Own Who You Are, With Audacity

Happy New Year and Days Gone By

It’s Not Worth The Anger or the Heartache

How to Find Peace In Our Life By Self Domination

The Exploitation of Women is Startling and Beyond Harmful

12 Ways to Learn How to Love Your True Self

How To Have Courage In Public Speaking and Succeed